I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can by Linda

Author:Linda [Feinberg, Linda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780882824420
Publisher: New Horizon Press

Chapter Fifteen

DIFFICULT TIMES/HOLIDAYS

“Birthdays are the worst. My wife made such a fuss over me.”

“After my husband died, I went shopping to buy my father a gift for Father’s Day. I hadn’t been in a men’s department since my husband was alive. As soon as I touched a plastic wrapped shirt, I broke down completely in the middle of the store.”

Another widow added, “I just can’t go to a wedding. I just can’t stand to hear them say ‘until death do us part.’”

Some widowed people would not approve of the title of this chapter. They would say that every day is difficult. It is difficult to get up every morning. “Sometimes I am just proud of myself for getting dressed.” What we are really referring to in this chapter is the topic of especially difficult times: holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, death anniversaries, graduations, births, weddings, funerals, wakes, vacations, changing of the seasons, new jobs, promotions, raises, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Easter, Passover, Chanukah, Christmas, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, and Thanksgiving.

If you have children you can add all the firsts to the list: first step, first words, first day at school, first shave, first pimple, first period, first date, first dance, first prom, confirmations, bar mitz-vahs, graduations, engagements, weddings, grandchildren. Every first is bittersweet. You are happy that your son graduated, yet you are sad because your husband should have been there and you miss him.

“Before my husband died, I had heard that some people hate the holidays. I used to wonder, ‘How anyone could hate the holidays. Now I know.” Most widowed people think this would be a better world if they could wipe out November 23 through February 15. As if the holidays that occur between those dates weren’t enough, some people have birthdays or anniversaries during that time.

What compounds the problem is that people will get upset in advance, anticipating a special day for days or weeks. It is important to remember that the anticipation is almost always worse than the reality. Please remember that a person is rarely afraid of the exact moment of time she is now in. She only fears the moment that hasn’t yet arrived.

Let’s analyze a holiday in terms of what it means to a widowed person. Valentine’s Day is the romantic holiday of the year. Valentine’s Day for a widow means no one to buy that special card for; no one to buy that special card for you; there is no one to celebrate the day with, not even a reason to celebrate. No special kiss, no one to make love with, no one to buy you candy, no perfume, and forget jewelry. Who is going to say you look beautiful? The observation that everyone else seems to be thrilled about Valentine’s Day may make you feel you are no longer a part of the human race. No wonder one young widow said, “I wish I had a gun so I could shoot down all the Valentine cards on display in the stores.

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